Sexy Battle Girls

Title: Sexy Battle Girls
Rating: 2.5/5
Genre: Action, Comedy, “Pink film”
Starring: Kyôko Hashimoto
Director: Mototsugu Watanabe
Language: Japanese

Whilst my initial discovery of the film came about whilst searching for something with more of a “Battle Royale” air to it, this rather aptly titled low-budget 80s flick garnered my attention, and completely by accident I appear to have stumbled upon one of the most bizarre films I've seen to date. I mean, you literally couldn't make this stuff up as it makes not a single shred of sense, and yet pre-dates much of the Japanese's desire for violence of the most random variety, and has seeped its influence into a number of TV shows and Films that has continued its legacy (the most recent of which I expect to be reviewed before too long).

Following the tale of Mirai, trained by her father in the ways of un-named martial arts and taught the secret “Venus Crush” technique, which despite the name looks a little bit more like someone shoved a 'slap-chop' up there, for 18 years until the time to release her upon the man who stole his wife and mocked the size of his penis in order to enact her revenge, she is soon transferred to the school at which he resides as the headmaster of a school with only three children. Which is just as well seeing as there is only one teacher. Unwittingly stumbling upon the sadistic headmaster's evil scheme to use the children as sex slaves for politicians, hoping to garner enough political power to become the governor of Tokyo, her task of revenge suddenly becomes revitalised as she resolves to stop his plan before it becomes too late. Joining forces with the class bully and her dangerous pen throwing technique, and arming herself with a ball-in-a-cup modified to have a dildo shoot out of the ball, they go on to defeat the chain-wielding headmasters daughter and rape the headmaster impotent, thus making him unable to please his wife and somehow resolving something.

Sadly, it isn't all as interesting as it sounds; literally half of the film is inevitably spent on the 'pink' part of the film, dragging along excessively long sex scenes – both consensual and depicting rape, though rather poorly – which whilst at times amusing (especially with the clever way they managed to avoid Japan's rather unexpected law of never showing a male penis by using a soft and flexible red rubber dildo), more often than not simply felt like filler material in an otherwise bewilderingly hilarious script. Despite this, for an hour long low budget 80s film, this certainly isn't one to be forgotten in a hurry.