Big Tits Zombie

Title: Big Tits Zombie
Original Title: Kyonyû doragon: Onsen zonbi vs sutorippâ 5 (The Big Tits Dragon: Hot Spring Zombies vs Strippers 5)
Rating: 4/5
Genre: Action, Horror, Comedy
Starring: Sola Aoi, Risa Kasumi, Mari Sakurai
Director: Takao Nakano
Language: Japanese

“Watashi”
*See's the Zombies*
“Waaaaa-”

I feel I need to be a little careful in reviewing this, as unlike a lot of such low budget films this was not viewed in my small room with the worry that someone will wander into the depths of my depravity. Instead, the glorious gore was on display before an entire auditorium of like-minded lovers for the genre, complete with popcorn tossing, laughing at the dodgy zombie designs and more than a few guys who cheered wildly whenever a pair of tits came on the screen. Which naturally it did. Let's start out simply; as the title would suggest, there are in fact some tits – five to be precise, though perhaps only the three lead stars were particularly “nice” and to be fair, they were more “medium” than big, but now I'm just nitpicking – and as for are they ever shown, well if I didn't already get that point across let me emphasise that one doesn't hire porn stars for their ability to act. Are their zombies? Well it would be too big a misnomer for their not to be, so again that is a given.

But what's perhaps a little surprising is the self-awareness, even the short preface from the director who couldn't keep a straight face describing his film shows that there is absolutely no pretence of this ever being anything but silly goofy fun, and with a plot as ludicrous as this obscure mash-up of “Night of the Living Dead” and I don't even know what, its not hard to see why he had such a hard time of it. Following the tale of five “dancers” who were all brought together by one dodgy businessman, they quickly uncover a small private collection of the otherworldly, including the infamous book of the dead. Which naturally involves that-goth-chick to read from it and invoke the wrath of the undead. Havoc ensues, and that-old-one and that-dumb-one quickly discover the painful end of that wrath; the-goth-one soon discovers that the book also allows her to control them, and its up to the-butch-one and the-leading-one to stop them at all costs.

I don't think we ever really were told their names, but that never really was all too important. What is important is the manner things unfold, and whilst I'm hesitant to make a Shaun of the Dead reference there certainly is that zombie comedy element to it. Ultimately it's simply not that kind of humour, its more slapstick and physical; the way their eyes light up when they discover a discarded chainsaw or the look of absolute shock as they discover precisely what happens when a zombie is dissected before being turned, and the jokes borne from being such a self-aware 'bad' B-Movie gorefest never stop firing. From the cat-fights between strippers to the guy who looks like my ass after I've forgotten to wipe it; there is never a dull moment. The gore is horrendously bad, the blood all done with CGI and the nudity less frequent than I'd like (but when isn't it?), and yet none of that can take away from the fact that this is the most hilarious horror comedy since “Machine Girl,” and from me that places it amongst the best Japan has to offer.

Note: How much was the alcohol and the atmosphere and how much was the actual film I'm still not entirely sure of. It needs a re-watch. So when's the blu-ray being released?