The Human Centipede

Title: The Human Centipede
Rating: 3/5
Genre: Horror
Starring:Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie
Director: Tom Six

Once again tonight I find myself surprised by what I've uncovered; certainly not a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination but sufficient in every department to keep me satisfied. Bloodshed? Of course, he's sewing peoples mouths to their assholes, though still not as much as your average surgery documentary. Largely he likes to leave the worst to your imagination. Nudity? Oh yes, though it probably takes a mind as twisted as my own to spend much time admiring the naked flesh, and I must admit, even I didn't exactly find it arousing. A shame they didn't fit some in pre-op but there we have it. And what of the plot? Well that really is the interesting thing, because a surprising amount of care appears to have gone into this films fabrication.

That the director spent so much time doing his research into precisely how such an operation might actually be carried out is quite remarkable and instantly demonstrated in the explanation; the severing of the tendon on the knee to prevent them from trying to stand, the details of how the teeth should be removed and the flaps of skin from one sown into the cheek of the next. In fact the only thing that never really seems to be addressed is the survivability of the creature. How is the energy is to be distributed proportionately? Whilst not all the nutrients from the food we eat are absorbed, a good portion are, and even if we assume a 50% absorption rate, that would mean the head would have to eat four times the normal amount in order to give the third segment a normal quantity; whilst he gets grossly overweight the rest still starve. That's ignoring bacterial infections, issues with vomiting (where would it go?), issues with dehydration (are they meant to snort their liquids?); for someone whose meant to be a retired surgeon, you'd think he'd know the basics of human anatomy, though I suspect few viewers would have stopped feeling ill and the thought of this monstrosity long enough to think of such problems. Myself? Snacked the entire way through.

More than that is the element of a battle between the two occurring; the women are largely annoying and whiny, but once they have their mouths sown so they can't speak we start to see more of the power play between the dark and evil doctor and the very angry Japanese man desperate to find some new hope of escaping this nightmare, or at the very least pissing the doctor off. Watching the sick delight in the doctor admiring his creation, treating it as a pet dog to be trained; teaching it to fetch the paper and locking it up in the cage at night. There is more to this exploitation flick than exploitation of the violent kind but also of the mental; the manner in which he treats his creation with a demonic Nazi enthusiasm and continues to torture them, teasing them, permitting them to attempt their pathetically tragic attempts to escape before stopping the short of their goal. Is it the most violent film ever made? Hardly, and certainly interest begins to dwindle after the first hour and the police become involved. After watching 'Ebola Syndrome' I don't even think it can claim the title of most messed up plot either, but laced with subtle elements of humour – the hilarious moment when you first realise one of them has to poop stands to mind as the most obvious example – this is certainly one exploitation flick worthy of putting the popcorn on for.


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