Killer Klowns from Kansas on Krack


Title: Killer Klowns from Kansas on Krack
Rating: 0/5
Genre: …
Starring: Puppets and a Giant Chicken
Director: Charles E. Cullen

Films at either extreme end of my rating scale always cause me the most difficulty in writing, for as a reviewer I feel compelled through what I write to accurately convey my thoughts of the film, and do it justice. Normally, this has found most of its way to elaborating on the exceptionally good films that have crossed my path, showing my respect for the artists vision and conveying the sense of how my mind is still reeling. In this case, my mind feels like its trying to commit suicide or desperately escape by slamming into the side of my head. This film should come with a health warning, and never before did I think I would come across and manage to endure a film so completely and utterly devoid of any merit.

From the very opening you start realising what you've let yourself in for; a montage of horses badly shot on a hand held camera that you'd be lucky – or unlucky as the case may be – if it remains in focus. This camera work won't exactly improve either, as it randomly changes between “black and white” and “webcam” style of filming. It's as though the director only owned three camera's and just picked one one and started filming, at least until later when he decides to switch between all the different settings during the single shot. There is backing music, consisting of a few of most mind-numbing tracks conceived and quite possibly played using a portable stereo in the camera man's other hand, as between the scene changes it'll randomly skip to a new portion of the track.

The dialogue yields much the same effect as I expect a midget would if he crashed a bar mitzvah with a roast pig in one hand and heroin needles in the other. That same confusion that would ensue, the pain and the insult to those celebrating and the long awkward pause as the Rabbi points out than the Jewish don't eat pork. I could go on to talk about the plot but I strained myself trying to understand it, and all I came up with was some clowns took some crack from puppets, shot the sheriff and then exploded. The lack of coherency is quite simply astounding; between the “Terry Gilliam” esque animation (I mean that purely in reference to his style, and not for any further comparison) and the painfully long drawn out sequences, it's almost genius in just how bad it is, as though he purposefully strived to make the film the most unbearable piece he could. And I haven't even mentioned the giant chicken!

I can't help but think during films – thinking tends to be a habit this creator isn't cursed with – and all that came to mind was why. Why Chicken? Why puppets? Why the webcam? Why? Just like those at the other side of the scale, this film has thoroughly earned its rating. This is unquestionably and beyond any shadow of a doubt the worst film I have ever seen, and to emphasise this point I leave you with a selection of comments from those at Cinemageddon, the only tracker who could take pride in calling itself home to the hilariously bad.


“This atrocity should be banned to the ninth circle of hell where it is buried up to its neck in ice and tortured for eternity so it can't bother anyone ever again.” - Anonymous

“this movie has obtained legendary CG status; it may be the worst film on CG. Seriously.” - Deadvutts

“I would rather eat and shit out an entire Volkswagen beetle than watch this again.” - Midian

“The worst film ever. I love when people try and use that term now to anything other than this as after seeing it I know for a fact that they are wrong.” - Jewbo

“Immediately after it is all done you feel nothing but guilt, shame, and anger with yourself; the glob of semen that slowly rises to the surface forever solidifies this in infamy and history. There is no going back.” - HazelMoates

“If you're gonna be brave and give this movie a shot, make sure you have some form of pain killers sitting within reach because you're gonna seriously need em'. Heroin or a loaded gun oughta do the trick.” - Zweed


I extended my usual 5 star rating in its honour

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